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StumbleUpon &187; putains web site reviews and blog
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Feb 19, 2007 11:02am
413 reviews
•http://putain.stumbleupon.com/
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Hehehe. That's hilarious (tres joli). I've long thought that if you have a cute avatar, and you're female and under 30, you can get away with any old nonsense on SU. Well, just go and have a look at the "People who like putain" on this blog. Hilarious. :) All male.
No wait, there's one female. Yes, putain herself.
Which all leads me to...
AlexKnibb's How To Succeed In Stumble Upon: The 2 Part Plan.
Part I - Setting up your profile
1. You are female. Even if you're not, you are now.
2. Your age should be higher than 15, but lower than 30.
3. Find a picture either of yourself (if you're female) or of someone else (if you're not, and remember you are now) which meets the following criteria:
--a. It's slightly ambiguous (i.e. not just a standard head shot, unless you do happen to be devastatingly attractive)
--b. It's slightly flirtatious (looking up into the camera helps)
--c. Hotpants help (see putain.stumbleupon.com)
--d. It's a picture of someone attractive to men. Remember, gentlemen prefer blondes (apparently).
4. You're single.
5. You can go foreign if you like, but avoid the temptation to go eastern-European if possible. You want to have an air of mystique (by Calvin Klein) but you don't want to conjour up images of Borat in people's minds...
Part II - What Do I Put On My Blog?
1. By this stage you've done enough to guarantee the reviews and upturned thumbs come streaming in from hormonally charged men. Anything beyond the profile is a bonus. Trust me, I've seen someone with a Pretty Female avatar garner 4 reviews (all feigning 'I love what I see here, I'll stop back sometime') from just a single review. I kid you not. So there really isn't anything else you need to do. Oh, wait, nearly forgot:
2. Ensure that an artful picture of a female nude is on your first page AT ALL TIMES. Men, you see, are suckers for bisexual women. Having an arty nude on your site will ensure that people think that you could be kinky, but that you're not 100% lesbian. Basically, it's the implied three-way that gets you reviews every time.
Have you noticed my rants have become more and more frequent these days?
(PS. Nothing against putain's blog - it really is actually very interesting, keep it up! - I just wanted to have a little rant.)
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